So the thing is that not every criminal in the world can be like Osama bin Laden or Meyer Lansky. Just like there exists a balance between good and evil in the world, there is to every dangerous criminal a criminal who most likely should be arrested not for his crime but for his stupidity. If only these criminals had stolen some brains, it would’ve done them real good. Some people should just accept the fact that to be a criminal the foremost requirement is for you to be sharp and smart. But that is not the case with the criminals we are going to be talking about here who have given us immense materials for memes and jokes.
Here we are looking at the dumbest criminals, the ludicrous lawbreakers in the world who are sure to crack you up with their moronic and brainless criminal attempts.
10.The Facebook addict–
To begin with the utmost inappropriate dumbness that a criminal can display at any given point, Trevor Jones comes into the picture. I believe more than robbing a house his main objective was to make things easier for the police by successfully leaving enough proofs to get him arrested. First of all, who logs in to his Facebook account while robbing? Did you want to check-in and let your friends know about your super secret mission, Trevor? Perhaps you wanted to change your Facebook status to “Busy robbing”. Even if you felt like checking your notifications how could you forget to logout? Seems like this guy had all the time and chill in the world. To add to his doltishness he left his car along with the keys and wallet in the driveway only to jump into a pond. How smart!
9. Bad day to wear clothes–
You know you are doing something wrong when you decide to get into a Nudist colony wearing clothes. But how can sensible thoughts of this kind stop a genius like Milton J Hodges to not only jump a fence into the Cypress Cove Nudist Resort and Spa but also steal a golf cart from the security guard. Having previously robbed a Lowes Home Improvement store he probably needed the cart to carry his things. However, “as one of the only folks wearing clothing, Hodges was easily spotted by deputies who arrested him at gunpoint.” If we have criminals like them in this world then I think we do not really have anything to be scared of.
8. Please contact me when you’re ready to be robbed!–
If the previous one tickled your funny bone then be prepared to get this. Ruben Zarate, who attempted to rob a muffler shop, was generous (read dumb) enough to leave his phone number to the Cashier. When he entered the shop he tried to threaten the people out there with his gun but on hearing that the store had little money with them at the moment as all the money was kept in a safe that could be opened only by the manager of the store Zarate decided to save his precious time and asked the cashier to give him a call whenever the manager comes. However, the cashier did call him back but now instead of the manager waiting with his cash to be donated to him there were waiting a couple of police officers who wounded him in the leg and got him arrested.
7. A deathbed confession–
Some people are so moronic and half-witted that when life gives them lemons instead of making lemonade out of it they choke on the seeds. This is the case of the legendary James Washington who confessed to a murder that he committed in 1995 under the impression of clearing his conscience before he died of heart attack only to find out that he wasn’t going to die so soon after all. While poor James hoped for purgation all he got was a sentence to life in prison. This was something that proved to be a miracle amalgamated with a curse in his life.
6. Why fall for tricks when you can fall asleep?–
You shouldn’t be surprised to know that some burglars get so exhausted just by breaking into the target’s place that they urgently feel the need to take a nap. Obviously!!! Mark Smith embodied the spirit of lethargy by falling asleep on the homeowner’s bed. This sleeping beauty who was dosed on vailum and vodka was finally woken from his peaceful sleep by the Police and arrested. Not that we are encouraging people to take up robbery as a profession and excel in it but how difficult is it exactly to get in an empty house, take the things and come out? I guess people have their own way of showing how strangely the human mind works at times.
5. Do not write a book about your crime–
Seems like the Polish writer Krystian Bala was so impressed by his own murder skills that he decided to share the story with thousands of people while hoping for encouragement and admiration. Bala was convicted for the brutal and inhuman murder of Dariusz Janiszewski after he wrote a book named “Amok” in which the resemblance to the murder was uncanny. There were other similarities too, which, when tracked by the Police got Krystian arrested. Was it Bala’s sadistic pleasure or his stupidity that made him write a book based on his crime? Who is to know?
4. Worst getaway idea ever–
This particular robbery attempt brings into limelight the out-of-the-box thinking of those criminals in the world who continue to keep us entertained with their hilarious failures. As they say- “All’s well that ends well” – a successful robbery also critically relies on its getaway vehicle in order to finally close the deal. A fast car, a motorcycle or maybe a cab can do wonders at times, if you’re really lucky. But you know what’s not going to do you any good? A donkey. Well, a gang of thieves in Colombia decided to exhibit their true adoration for a donkey named Xavi when they included it in their grand planned robbery. Seems like they had everything but the getaway vehicle planned. The criminals robbed a convenient store and put everything they had collected on Xavi, who was also abducted by the way. Enraged by this illegal act Xavi refused to co-operate and started making such loud noises that it attracted the attention of the Police. They robbers finally had to flee on foot leaving everything behind. Probably if they had fled on their foot in the first attempt they would have taken something home.
3. Robber targets a house under investigation–
Needless to say deciding on a target should be one of the most critical points in a well-planned robbery. Generally burglars tend to choose a house where a lot of valuable items are available with no security at all. I mean that’s the practical way to go about it. You know what’s not a practical idea? Attempting to rob a house that is full of police officers. That’s right. Darren Kimpton of Abington, Northampton enthusiastically decided to rob the same house in Lea road that had already been robbed by him and was under police investigation. Did you forget that you had already robbed the house or did you simply go there to apologize, Darren? It is advisable not to keep a very high and unrealistic target but at least you could go a step ahead Darren. His ‘clumsy’ and ‘pathetic’ burglary attempts (as described by the Northampton Magistrates Court) justified itself when he miserably failed at robbing another house. The only task he successfully completed was cutting himself which ultimately left his DNA at the scene where this magnificent crime took place.
2. It’s better not take Halloween ideas from him–
Dennis Hawkins is the perfect role model to ensure how NOT to rob. Dennis decided to disguise himself as a hybrid of a woman and a clown. He put on a blonde wig, a pair of fake breasts and clown pants. If you were trying to look like a woman, dear Dennis, then you should have probably considered getting rid of your goatee and mustache. And if you wanted to resemble a clown then don’t worry about it, you did. In executing his master plan Dennis somehow managed to forget that his face (that was fully visible and identifiable) was captured on the CCTV surveillance in the bank. Owing to his unique looks he was captured by the police while trying to steal a car.
1. Robber hands over his own gun by mistake-
Haha. I’m sorry but there’s no way you can read this and not laugh. First of all, I understand that robbing is not an easy task for people who have no brain. You need to have a presence of mind as well as the necessary skills to walk away with all that you want without any hassle. This (yet unidentified) man lacked every bit of it. After raiding Halifax bank in London, the robber in the shades and a cap made it unnecessarily difficult for himself to figure out the difference between his gun and his bag. Meaning to give the bag to the cashier to put an amount of £700,000 in cash, he handed over his gun. Before he could realize his mistake and grab the gun back the cashier spontaneously pointed the gun at him leaving him stunned.
I am pretty sure that these kinds of criminals, if given a chance, would succeed in taking crimes to such a level that they no longer scare us but instead offer us rib-tickling content. If you guys know about any more of such dumb creatures then do share with us in the comments section. Let’s all share the laughter.