We may think that we are all doing it right- our son informs before going out with his friends, the daughter is scared of her mother and does whatever she asks her to do. However, the picture may not be as rosy as it may seem. Parenting is a tricky business and the truth is that not all of us are good it. Being the single most important thing in the development of your child, how you parent could have lasting effects on not just their childhood but their personality and adulthood as well. Here are a few pointers on how you could be a bad parent and need to stop doing these immediately.
#1 You Are Not There When The Child Needs You The Most
Your child is confused about important life choices and all you have time to do is be indulged in your own professional life. They keep coming to you for help but you end up leaving them discouraged and ignored. This leaves your child feeling that they are neither important in your life nor are you concerned about theirs. Children look up to their parents for their smallest comforts even past their childhood and it is vital that you be there for them to let them know that they are not alone.
#2 You Make Them Responsible For Your Happiness
Listing out the things you have sacrificed for your child and making them hold guilty for not doing enough in return to make you happy is not a valid argument at all. This is pure emotional blackmailing that leaves your child feeling negative and as if they are not good enough when all the time they may be doing their best. Remember, if you have done something for your child that was purely out of your choice and no body is responsible for that than yourself. Giving the burden to your child is not only inconsiderate but even selfish.
#3 You Use Them To Realise Your Dreams
It’s true that every parent dreams their children’s future but this does not mean that you have any right to impose your unrealised wishes on them. They maybe your genes but their lives is theirs to live. Don’t pressurise them to follow the field you are interested in or hold them guilty when they show no interest in doing so. You had a chance at following your interests and this is theirs.
#4 You Forget Their Emotions
Your child has as many emotional problems of their own as you are, especially with the hormonal imbalances of adolescence. To think that your problems are somehow bigger than theirs is simply being unfair. Try to be the person whom your child can talk to without the fear of getting judged and can hope to receive some support. If they come to you to accept a mistake, appreciate their courage in doing so than criticising them for their fault. Doing so will not prevent them from repeating the mistake but stop them from telling you the next time.
#5 You Are All Negative
Your child has just scored a 90% in their exams but all you are concerned about is how she lost the ten percentage. You find faults and criticise her, trying to tell her how she can improve to get that perfect score next time. This is simply going to demotivate your child, telling them that you are not happy for them. You may mean for their best interests but that becomes futile if all you are going to make your child feel is useless at their success because all you care is for their bigger achievements.
#6 You Give In Easily
While it is great to be an understanding parent, this does not mean that you are a pushover. If you have set a time for dinner that is the time your children should be at the table, unless there is a valid reason. Don’t give in to your child’s tantrums all the time that they think of you as someone who can be easily manipulated. Stay stern when you need to. Be understanding when the situation demands that. You should be able to switch between these roles seamlessly.
#7 You Don’t Set The Right Example
It’s simple. If you don’t keep your mobile phone away a single minute, that’s what your child will grow up learning. You should be the example your child wishes to imbibe. Don’t shout at each other and engage in insults while they are watching you. Treat each other with respect and keep the arguments to the bedroom. Showcase your good habits for them for to watch and learn. You are the first people your child interact with and your attitude to life and others is going to leave a lasting impression on them. Keep that in mind always.
#8 Fear is Not Respect
Your child should respect you, no doubt about that, but remember that fear and respect are two different things. Keep physical violence on your child to the minimum and, if possible, nil. Your child is never going to respect you if you take out your whip every time they make the smallest mistake. Scolding and giving small punishments is necessary but choose the right intensity for the right mistake. Grounding them for a week for a minor carelessness is not going to give away the right feeling towards you.
#9 Being There For Every Beck and Call
Pampering your child too much is not going to help them grow. If you shower them will love all the time and ignore all their mistakes, the child is going to grow up believing that you do not have a strong voice. While it is necessary to keep them comfortable with you it is going to do them no good if you give them everything they ask for. Let them grow for themselves and find out how to be independent. You just have to provide with the right environment to support them in case they trip and fall during their ventures.
#10 You Don’t Trust Your Child
There may have been times when your child told you a lie and you made it perfectly clear that such a behaviour is not acceptable. However, this does not mean that you become doubtful every time they have to say something. If you don’t trust your child and his or her beliefs or choices, this could reduce their confidence in themselves and they may fear to assert their opinions. Trusting your child also makes them feel that they are accountable to your trust and has to live up to the expectations. Giving them their own space to do this will also help them grow as individuals.